2020 has been such a strange year, hasn’t it? One thing I have focused on this year is actively learning about how to cultivate resilience. Having resilience helps us experience the challenges of life with more inner balance. While being resilient will not remove the difficulties, when we are resilient our perspective on our experiences shifts in such a way that we can navigate through them more easily. Like a surfer, we learn to ride the waves of life rather than being overcome by them. Resilience is a quality we can cultivate.
I have attended numerous talks and workshops about resilience, and have been experimenting this year with the various strategies I have learned. I am sharing here the 8 ideas that have been most effective for me, and how I have applied them in my life. It is my hope that this share might inspire and help you to cultivate resilience in your life.
RESILIENCE IDEA 1: Following my intuition on what I need
When the pandemic quarantine first hit, I spent months baking my way through my bucket list of recipes I have always wanted to try. I made flourless chocolate cake, grissini, cannoli, spanikopita, toad-in-the-hole, cream puffs, deep dish pizza, doughnuts, florentines, macaroons, danish and more. In April I pulled together a photo retrospective of the highlights of the previous months’ goodies; there were over 2 dozen items!
It was a glorious time.
I imagine the primitive part of my brain desired these comfort foods. Consciously, I was craving the creative outlet that baking has been for me since childhood. Everything about my baking spree felt good to me. I especially enjoyed planning out what I was going to make and researching recipes.
Was it good for my waistline? No. Not at all! It was, however, really great for my mental health and my spirit. It brought an energy of comfort and joy into my home.
I loved that my kids loved it, too. We all came to view those months of baking as a bonus that came with the difficulties of this year. It brought us joy and something special to look forward to. I started baking during this time for a very simple reason: it was what I was wanted to do. I was pulled towards it. I was following my intuition on what I needed. I enjoyed it fully and without any guilt or regret. I followed my instincts and did what felt good to me. For me, that happened to be baking.
Self Check: What has your intuition been telling you that you need this year? Are you listening to your intuition and acting on it? Are you blocking your true needs due to feelings of guilt or expectation?
RESILIENCE IDEA 2: Daily Gratitude
I have known about practicing gratitude for years but until 2020 hit I never committed to making a daily practice of gratitude. I found it to be a powerful perspective shifter. Each morning I write 3 things I am grateful for. I focus on whatever I am grateful for in that moment, for example: the morning birdsong, I have a roof over my head, a great cup of tea, my own resilience or whatever comes to my heart as I write. In order to hold myself accountable to the commitment of this daily practice, I chose to post my daily gratitude items online among my personal friend group. I’ve been doing this faithfully each day for months.
This daily gratitude practice helped me keep myself in a positive space, and it has been especially helpful on difficult days. After so many months of writing my 3 gratitudes, it has become a habit for me and I no longer write them down each day. Most mornings I spend a few moments thinking about what I am grateful for. When I find myself feeling bad, or having gotten out of habit of expressing my daily gratitude, I know then to go back to it and start anew writing and sharing my 3 daily gratitudes.
Self Check: Do you have a gratitude practice in place? How will you make your gratitude practice a daily habit? What are you grateful for right now? Notice how your feelings and energy shift when you practice gratitude.
RESILIENCE IDEA 3: Validating Loss
If you have ever been through a healthy grieving process you understand the importance of validating loss. It is essential to recognize what has been lost and allow your feelings to be expressed. In 2020 the world has experienced many losses…not just loss of life, but loss of the world as we know it. At the individual level losses abound from work and income-related, community and connection, routine, beloved activities, freedoms and more.
I have found it healing to recognize the losses I have experienced as well as the losses of the collective, and to allow the feelings that arise in me to flow. Important note: dwelling in loss is not healthy; if you find yourself stuck or overwhelmed by feelings of loss, I urge you to seek professional counseling.
Self Check: Have you grieved for the losses you have experienced this year?
RESILIENCE IDEA 4: Creative Problem Solving
I must admit that one of the upsides of this year has been seeing all the creative ways people have found to do things. Online museum visits, online film festivals, drive-by celebrations for graduations and birthdays, neighborhood little free libraries converting into food pantries, takeout windows being installed at local businesses, in person classes moving online, outdoor school meetups and so much more. Humans are amazingly creative!
I’ve applied creativity in my life to some of the key problems I wanted to solve. For example, this summer I was missing the companionship and social interaction of friends. I decided to invest in an outdoor movie setup so I could host small socially-distanced movie nights in my backyard. It felt like such a treat to be able to spend this time with friends in person, with both parents and kids. Another area that was important to me was my birthday celebration. I normally love to host friends for a homemade meal and cheesecake. My 2020 pivot on this beloved event was to still make the cheesecake, but box it up to go for each of my friends who did a drive-by on my birthday. It felt so good to see my dear friends drive up to my house, wish me well and collect their cheesecake. My heart felt so full. I will never forget it.
I have also enjoyed the creative solutions local businesses have offered to support them. For example, my favorite bagel shop, which is across town, has started doing weekly doorstep deliveries! What a treat to have a box of their delicious bagels arrive on our front porch - it is phenomenal! And I get to support a beloved local business.
Self Check: If you are missing some of your favorite things this year, how might you get creative to make an alternate version for yourself?
RESILIENCE IDEA 5: Radical Self-Care
Whatever you need to take great care of yourself, do that. Without holding back. Fully accept that you are worth it and that it is essential to your well being. Take beautiful care of yourself regularly, and not just when you reach a certain threshold of stress.
This year is the first year in my life that I have begun to see the value of prioritizing my self-care. That has not been easy for me to get to, in part because culturally, selflessness is prized in women. This year I have realized that I need to fill my own cup first. Its been one of the biggest revelations of my life.
Here is a laundry list of some of the things I have been up to which I consider to be radical self care…. Investing in good quality adrenal support supplements. Letting go of any guilt and regret that arises when I choose to follow my intuition to do what lights me up. Focusing on Shadow Work and Inner Child Work with the support of high caliber professionals. Allowing relationships to dissolve where there no longer is an energetic resonance. Forgiveness. Surrounding myself with positive mentors and influences. Actively working daily on my greatest opportunities for personal growth (aka, facing my fears). Clearing clutter from my home, including the months-long project of organizing my garage, which for 6 years I had been avoiding/not emotionally ready for. Learning how to take every decision from my soul. Taking a class which has opened the next level of my growth as an Energy Healer.
Self Check: Are you prioritizing your self care? Might you need to switch up your self-care routine? If you are not practicing radical self-care, why not?
RESILIENCE IDEA 6: Nesting Up
You may have heard of the Danish/Norwegian concept of hygge, which I think of as mindful indulgence and the art of coziness, particularly within the home. “Nesting up’ is another way I think of this idea, and 2020 has been the ultimate year of it for me. I figure since we are staying home nearly all the time this year, making my home even more cozy makes it that much more enjoyable.
Intentional changes to make my home more cozy have involved things both small and large. I gave away a valuable chair and ottoman that were attractive but which I strongly disliked. Within the same day of giving this gift, a pair of nearly new chairs I loved showed up as a gift in my life. They fit perfectly into the space freed up by the unwanted chair & ottoman! I have been regularly gifting items no longer needed through my local neighborhood Buy Nothing Group; this has had the multi-faceted impact of freeing up space in my home, the joy of giving to others and knowing that an unneeded item here would be loved elsewhere.
Re-organizing and thinking about subtle shifts in furniture arrangement to better support how I use the space in my home now has made a significant difference in how I enjoy the space. For example, this summer I took up watercolor painting. I did not like using the dining table for this activity because it was a nuisance to pack up my supplies every day, although I liked seeing them out and on display as it enticed and inspired me. I decided to set up a separate workspace devoted to my painting. I moved my computer to another part of the home and repurposed my computer desk for my artistic pursuits, framing some of my projects and inspiring work from friends and hanging these above my new art desk. Sidenote: the added bonus of rearranging anything within your home is that you are actively shifting the energy, which will feel better. Feng Shui experts recommend shifting items in multiples of three for the best effect; for example, move 3 items, or 6 items or 27 items!
Self Check: How do you feel in your home? What shifts could you easily make in your home to make it more cozy?
RESILIENCE IDEA 7: Perspective Shifting
Reading books of the stories of others who have endured difficult times and thrived has brought me inspiration and an important perspective on my own challenges in this year. Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning is one such book. Learning the strategies that he used has informed my own approach to resilience. Knowing that others survived experiences which to me seem infinitely more difficult than what I am experiencing now has helped me put this year into perspective, which has made accepting it and dealing with it less stressful.
Giving to others is another way I have found helps me shift my perspective. Seek out opportunities in your community, or with online organizations.There are many ways to support making the world better and lifting others. Find a cause that speaks to your heart and give in whatever way you can. Watch how placing your focus on helping others creates a shift in your perspective on your own difficulties. It lightens my heart every time.
Self Check: What methods do you use when you wish to shift your perspective?
RESILIENCE IDEA 8: Staying Connected
In terms of loneliness, I am fortunate to share my home with my crew of two kids and two cats. In fact, making opportunities for some alone time in the midst of the 24/7/365 togetherness has been part of my radical self-care regimen! Maintaining connections with friends and with like-minded individuals has been also important for me this year. Connections are happening in new ways, and I have embraced those. How fortunate are we to be living in the age of Zoom and FaceTime during this year?
Other ways I have stayed connected include: Inviting friends to join me on Zoom to celebrating a personal milestone. Online happy hours. Online group yoga class. Online exercise classes. FaceTime disco dance party for 2 was a highlight: a good friend and I each set up our disco ball and took turns choosing dance songs. Arranging outdoor visits which allow for safe distances, both walks and home visits. I enjoyed visits this summer with one friend who was ill by bringing a garden chair and sitting outside her window so we could chat in person. I joined a new online book group focused on works highlighting resiliency; it has been deeply connecting to know that as I read the latest uplifting book, many thousands of others are reading the same thing.
Self Check: Are you feeling disconnected from others? How will you establish new ways of connecting? How often do you want to connect? What interest groups might you join online?
In Closing
I hope these reflections have given you some new ideas on how you might incorporate resilience strategies into your life, adding to or shifting as needed what you may already be doing. With winter approaching in the northern hemisphere, and the added heaviness that brings to many, having a proactive approach to being resilient over the coming months is imperative. Sending you much love.
Thank you for visiting my very first blog post. Cultivating Resilience is the topic for my December 2020 monthly newsletter, Cultivated Hippy Happenings. I started writing on this and found I had so much more to share than would fit in the confines of the newsletter, so I decided I would try blogging. Hope you found it supportive and worthwhile.
Your comments are welcome below. What has been working for you to be resilient this year?